Letting go of the need for perfection takes a lot of practice. All the what-should-be’s, ought-to-be’s and all about the self not being enough. It’s a habit learning to thrive in your own chaos.
It’s this gnawing dissatisfaction, nagging sense of not being able to tick of everything in my to-do and to-be list. But the year that was is coming to an end in less than two weeks, and I feel like I’m still running a race against myself. Did I mention that I am my own worst opponent? A competitive heckler with a loud, loud voice.
Sometimes, in my obsession of chasing after a never-ending list of goals, I forget and overlook everything that I have achieved. It’s so easy to be ungrateful in the constant need of wanting more. It was my husband who stopped me one day, and exclaimed “What the hell are you talking about?? Don’t you see how much you’ve accomplished in just one year?”.
And then it hit me.
In my constant need of wanting more for myself, I realised I have been bestowed so many opportunities that allowed me to grow and flourish — as a working artist and most especially as a human being.
I’ve always thought I had none of that artist’s angst they speak of. But perhaps the creative process has led me to face my thoughts and emotions a bit more sincerely.
The discomfort.
The little aches.
The uncertainties.
The ability to forgive faults, mine and the rest of the world.
In all the mess of my daily endeavours and the awkwardness that comes with growing pains, I found my self. Slightly rough around the edges but fully functional and equipped to make something of myself one day at a time.
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