How long has it been since I’ve made my last, legit and framed commissioned work? It should be around 5 years, thereabouts. Every time I bump into old friends from the industry, I get asked how my art is doing. I usually respond with a stiff grin or by stuffing my mouth with a bit more food while darting my eyes in all directions if only to avoid answering the question.
I’ve been in a real, deep creative slump for the last couple of years. And it’s such an awful place to be. I have been highly prolific in the kitchen, though. But my paints have dried up, my brushes have stiffened and my sketchbooks have gathered dust.
I began my art career when I moved to Baguio in 2002 — a mountainous region in the Philippines somewhere up north. It is cold, it gets foggy and at certain points of the year, it drops to 7 C. Not bad for a tropical country. Life was simple, time moved slow and I began to paint.
The art teacher in the school I taught in took a liking to what I thought were mere doodles: my work
“Really?”, I said.
I can’t even remember how and why she saw my work. But it was because of her constant prodding plus the relentless encouragement from her husband (a great percussionist, I must add!) and my colorful flatmate (another creative soul in my life). Shortly after, I had my first ever art show in 2003.
Later on, I got thrust into the different art circles of the city as I went back to the concrete jungle of Manila. Somehow, I got lost in the hype of press releases, the need for a detailed CV and the pressure to fit in.
At the core, I never felt that I really belonged in any of the circles.
My work is not profound — and I doubt it ever will be. It will not spawn an analysis worthy of an analytical essay. It’s not even something that will make you ask, “Hmmm, what were the artist’s intentions behind the painting?”
Me? I looked outside the window and I saw mountains. So I drew just that while listening to the soundtrack of “Rent”. 🙂
My drawing — it is what it is. Eventually, because of my style and choice of colors, my work got boxed in. Then, I, too, felt boxed in. And that is never a good thing for any artist I know.
Over time, I got different kinds of feedback — what to do, where to study, who to talk to, how to compute the value of my work per square inch, and which editor to approach.
Really, all I wanted was to draw.
I simply got overwhelmed with too many instructions around that it led me to stop altogether.
However, I do have a friend who happens to be a successful gallery owner who carries Sotheby pieces and auctions paintings worthy of royalty across the globe. Somehow, he has never given up on the thought that I will (and should) paint once again. He has taught me that one valuable thing that I still carry with me today:
“Please don’t study art anymore. If you do, your authentic style could disappear. You already have something that makes you different, and that is sincerity. Your sincerity, the imperfection — that is your art.”
His first question every time we meet is, “When are we having your show?”. He’s probably been asking me that question since 2004, and I’ve produced nothing more than a lopsided grin. “You have too many excuses”, he would joke (but I know he really wasn’t completely joking).
I set up this blog early March with hopes of posting brain farts about art and food. What I didn’t expect was that my work will actually be recognized by strangers across the world. I put up my old paintings in the posts as a reminder to myself of what I was able to do, hoping that it will motivate me to pick up from where I left off.
It’s been a month since and with the support of some friends from the blogosphere, I can already tick off two of my blogging goals: to blog from the heart and to draw inspiration from like-minded people.
I believe now is finally a good time to pick up the brush… and start drawing all over again.
🙂
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